haircut

by chris fillebrown

three days of sleeping
while not sleeping
in east dallas
during an ice storm
on a thin mattress
on a board
in a house made of boards
not much thicker

three days of lucid dreams
relying on all the forgiveness
my job could muster

the dream
that dream
unlocked in me
the secret of a lifetime haunting
in a frozen night

i floated on a black sea
under a starless night
foggy breath just above the surface
breathing labored
under weight of water

coming toward me
the hull of a ship
black silhouette against black sky
deck outlined by faint lights
on the unseen deck above
the ship passed by me very close
cold steel moving inches from my face
rumbled

at that moment
i knew what i had not known
and then awake

cold air
loosed its grip
on the city
gradual thaw began

i pulled aside
the sheet i was under
pulled on the clothes
i had dropped on the floor
when i dropped in the trough of a wave
my last depression

i closed the front door
of the house behind me
walked for a very long time
my breath white frosty drama
crisp excitement of the thaw
in my numb nostrils

i knew i could not know
how long the thaw would take
but the thaw was under way no doubt
sun warming
my infant psyche freeing up
from cruel freezure

i opened the door at the barber shop
not one i had opened before
my hair had not been cut in over a year
and then by a friend

the barber at the first chair
tried to look busy
the second barber waived me to the third
who would not have me

the mexican boy who swept the floor
sat me down
wrapped me in a sheet
scissors scissed and
scissed some more
hair fell
big pile
linoleum

haircut

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